What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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