If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
