omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Randomize
