Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Randomize