So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
