The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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