I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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