look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
