i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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