Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Randomize
