Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
