first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
They should really pass out barf bags in church
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
