Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
