That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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