the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
