So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
