he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
