i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
