I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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