That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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