I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I think people are normalizing furries
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
