I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
