i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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