after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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