yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I need a burrito and a hug.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
