ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
