My friends, they love my intelligence
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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