3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
