i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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