Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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