I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
