so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
