Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
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