Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
