Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
