idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I need a beard to bite.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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