so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
