All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
