I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
i've created a new STD.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
