she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
