So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
