And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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