Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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