I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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