If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
