Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
