He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
