Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
