The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
