I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
