Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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