the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
