i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
