There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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