i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
