I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
