shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize