Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
P.S. I can't hear my feet
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
