hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Someone shit on the floor
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
