She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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