I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
someone owes me an orgasm
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I need a beard to bite.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
