so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
