I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
