I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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