The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
My feet surprised me
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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