I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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