I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Holy sore nipples Batman
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
