i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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