Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
