i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
My penis needs a shock collar
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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