3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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