I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
