Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
