is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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