just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
