I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
