I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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