the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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