i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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