weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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