sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
