i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize