I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
