On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
