i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
